Bad Dream at Melbourne
I remembered clearly when I was told by my doctor that I will never walk for the rest of my life. I never believed that, and my feelings were totally weird, how could it be possible. How and why it happened to me was my only question I probably asked to everyone. It was just like a movie. Within the blink of an eye everything changed in my life and I found myself in the hospital bed, and after regaining consciousness I saw a few faces observing me very carefully. I did realize that something serious happened to me, but I had no clue. They told me the facts soon after Iwas released from life support.
I didn’t remember my 1st surgery immediately after my accident, because I was unconscious. I heard I was rescued by helicopter and I could die at that time if it was too late. But I remember my 2nd surgery. When I went through my 2nd surgery, I was told by my Dr. that it was a very severe operation in my spine and they were going to fix a metal to my neck for my recovery but that I could die during the surgery if anything went wrong. They provided us a consent paper and was signed by my wife.
I only remember feeling strange, but no words to explain. I clearly remember that before few minutes before of my surgery I was trying to recollect all my good memories from my last 37 years, and I was assembling all in my mind. Only my son was in my mind and the memories relates with him. I eagerly wanted to see him once and to say goodbye to my parents.
Fortunately,I survived but I lost a lot of things. Due to my spinal cord injury 80% of my body got paralyzed below chest, my bowl and bladder will not be controlled so I always carry a urinal bag, my hand function was affected 80%. I can’t even feed my self and write; I have no pain and temperature sensation in 80% of my body. According to medical science, I will never ever stand and walk again for rest of my life. After a long period,I thought that it might be a bad dream, that I will be over soon, and I will be just as before. We tried a few alternative options, but my injury level was too high for any further treatment.
I cried a lot and for many days,I didn’t talk to anyone. I was speechless and I was stuck in the thought of what I would do now. I was in a huge trauma for around 2 years. After that, I’m trying to pull myself together and trying to go back into my life as much as I can. I want to start my family life again and want to build my son’s future. Few positive human beings from all over the world charged me a lot and changed me. I gained so much positive energy from their lifestyle and that helps me a lot. I had my accident when I was 37 years old and living a very decent and prosperous lifestyle with my family. Everything was quite good and sound. I regret I couldn’t stay well a few more years and spend time with my family.
I taught that I needed to live and survive for the rest of my life in a different way and to manage the operations of my body in a different way. The transition period of my life was very important both physically and mentally. I needed to keep my mental balance as the transformation of my mental situation was too tough. I learned every small and basic things of life surviving issues. At the beginning I thought it was impossible to manage, but slowly, determination and practice makes lot of things possible. The 7 months of CRP had a great impact on me. All the mental strength I gather from there helps my physical well being. I learned a lot of things here and gained knowledge by exchanging views from lots of patients. Different level of injury and different patients from different levels of society made this place unique and I found that CRP is the only specialized place for Spinal Cord Injury patients.
I’m blessed for the extension of my life, as I could have died at the time of my accident. Blessed to see the world again, spending time with my son, try to do few of my unfinished job. But this situation changed the perception and attitude of my life. Bad times made me more mature and realistic towards life. It was an opportunity to see the real faces of lots of fake people and friends. This situation also produced a few new faces in my life, those are really good and caring. Every situation makes me wonder that this planet is very cruel and critical, not at all user-friendly for any disabled wheelchair user person. Few issues come forward and I’m experiencing lots of situations that are very unexpected and uncomfortable. I’m clearly understanding that sacrifice and silence are the main keywords to survive gently in this life and situation.
Generally, dropout means leaving school, high school, college, university for any reason. Fortunately, I’m not in that category. But unfortunately, my accident makes me dropout from my regular life, from my family, from society. I’m dropping out my responsibilities as a father, as a husband, as a son and also dropping out from my ambition, career and everything. I’m dropped out from my dream and goal.
Generally, all dropout people find an alternative way to live their lives and lots of people’s brought success and prosperity in different ways. Because they need to face lots of odds and hurdles in their life and didn’t find any easy solution. Every person and their situation are different. I considered myself as a left behind person after my accident as I told earlier, and I have my own reasons. Every incident or accident had its own reactions and I truly realize that any type of pain or shock in life makes every human being stronger and more perfect. Positive thinking and strong mental stability can manage and change any type of situation. I strongly believe that in spite of my physical challenges I can achieve my goal and dreams in a different way. I need to explore every alternative route to fulfill my unfinished jobs. I have confidence related with the achievements I made, and my every small achievement makes me more confident.
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